


Will You Stay Away Forever?

by fleabittengray



Category: Avenged Sevenfold, Confide (Band)
Genre: AU, Abortion, Canonical Character Death, Cheating, Discussion of Abortion, Drunken Kissing, Dubcon Kissing, F/M, Heart Disease, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Lies, M/M, Nondenominational Christian, Secrets, Slow Death, but yeah, it's never actually named cuz i ain't no doctor, jimmy will die, probs gonna be a side of synacky cuz im a thirsty hoe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-18 14:24:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4709279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleabittengray/pseuds/fleabittengray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy is dying. He knows he's dying. He just... doesn't quite know how to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my DeviantArt account but decided to move it here. This is very sad and makes me feel a lot of things. Not all things will be correct (like obviously Arin and Jimmy didn't know each other...) and some ages have been edited and well this is an AU okay not everything is real. Enjoy (as much as you can knowing one of the best drummers in the world is going to die...).
> 
> Playlist: https://8tracks.com/fleabittengray/will-you-stay-away-forever  
> Twitter: fallenangel6661  
> Tumblr: slendyisbae  
> 

A pair of bright blue eyes opened quickly as that stabbing pain returned again, bad enough to rouse the tattooed man from his sleep. He bit his lip to keep himself silent, reaching with his right hand to the left side of his chest, clutching at his bare skin as the pain lingered for a moment before subsiding and for the hundredth time that week he was reminded of what his doctor had told him. _"You probably only have a few months left, James. There's nothing we can do but give you medicine for the pain. I'm sorry."_ His eyes closed again, his hand simply resting against his chest as the pain went away though now he was experiencing a new pain, a pain that had nothing to do with his health. It was sadness. Fear. And guilt from lying to everyone. He hadn't told anyone what his doctor had said. Hell, he hadn't even told them that he'd _gone_ to the doctor a couple of days ago. He had simply told them he was stressed and needed a day off. Brian had questioned him, of course, but Jimmy had expected that. Brian was his best friend. He knew something was going on but if Jimmy told him the truth... No, he couldn't do it. He wouldn't tell _anyone._ Because it would hurt them all so much. He knew, in the end, they would be hurt anyway, when it came time that he... _I don't want to think about it!_ He grit his teeth, reopening his eyes and sighing softly before looking over to his left at the sleeping figure of Leana. He smiled, leaning over to kiss her forehead. She stirred briefly, smiling in her sleep, before nestling into the blankets once more. Jimmy chuckled softly before sitting up. He rubbed his chest as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, bare feet touching against the soft carpet. He sighed, running a long fingered hand through his black hair, and then stood. _I think I'll go for a walk..._

He was showered and dressed within half an hour, the pain in his chest momentarily forgotten. He had on a black tshirt, one of Zacky's Vengeance University ones that he had "borrowed" about a year ago, tight black jeans, and a pair of black Vans. His hair was messy, he hadn't bothered to style it, but that was typical of him when he wasn't planning on doing anything. He figured he would just take a walk around the block and then head home, maybe make breakfast for Leana if she was awake. If she was still sleeping he would just let her sleep. Their relationship had been kind of rocky the last few months. They were trying to work things out. He loved her, he really did, but it seemed as if her feelings were changing. Maybe she was just stressed. Either way, he was doing his very best to fix things before him and the guys went to go write their new album. He really wanted to fix whatever was wrong with their relationship before he ran out of time. But he didn't want to think about running out of time because... he was scared. But he was The Rev! He was supposed to be this strong, crazy guy who wasn't afraid of anything! At least, that was the way he presented himself to his fans. He had even conquered his fear of spiders for them for the damn Afterlife video but death was so much more than just a few tarantulas crawling over his face.

The memory made him shudder involuntarily, wrinkling his nose, before his attention was nabbed by a commotion going on in one of the driveways of one of the houses up ahead. The house must have been sold and this must be the new family moving in. Curious as always, Jimmy walked up to the moving truck. He could hear voices of two men talking from inside and near the end of the truck he could hear what sounded like someone struggling with a box. Forgetting once more the fact that he was a _famous rockstar,_ Jimmy hurried over and grabbed the edge of a box just before a young man toppled over with it. He chuckled, unable to see the person's face, and casually asked, **"You alright?"** As he waited for a reply, he took the box which wasn't that heavy, just awkward, and began to walk to the pile of boxes outside of the garage. He was oblivious to the fact that the person he had taken the box from was now staring at him with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open, shocked at what he was seeing. Jimmy also didn't know the red A7X bracelet that the kid was wearing around his wrist. It was only when he turned around, wiping his hands on his jeans, that Jimmy noticed the look on his face.

Awkwardly, the drummer smiled and lifted his hand in a partial wave. The two men in the truck hadn't noticed him and were still talking, one wiping sweat from his brow. **"Uh... hey. I'm James but most people just call me Jimmy,"** the lanky male said even though he figured by the look on the guy's face that he already knew exactly who he was. The kid that was staring at him seemed to snap out of it after Jimmy spoke and he blushed, the redness expanding all the way up under his curly brown hair and Jimmy found himself chuckling. It was cute.

 **"Arin. I'm Arin,"** he finally managed to squeak out, his voice shaking with disbelief and nervousness. There was no way that this was real. One of his idols standing right there, right in front of him, talking to him? Arin knew that the band lived in Huntington Beach but the same _neighborhood?_ There was just no way. God must be playing tricks on him or something because this could not be happening.

 **"I'm guessing you know who I am, huh?"** Jimmy's awkward smile grew and he laughed quietly, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck. **"Well... welcome to the neighborhood! I live just around the corner. And, since you're probably wondering, only Brian lives in this neighborhood, too. The rest of the guys live somewhere else. But you'll probably see us around so... surprise!"**

The look on Arin's face had Jimmy laughing and the two men in the truck looked over. They looked at him for a moment before returning to their conversation as they started to move a larger, heavier box that had the words "drum set" written across it in big, black letters. Of course that instantly caught his attention and he walked over to the truck, helping the men remove it from the truck and toward the garage with Arin following after them silently, still unable to process what he was seeing.

 **"Do one of you play?"** he asked the men and they arched their brows, shaking their heads. The older of the men motioned toward Arin who once again found himself being looked at by The Rev. He tried to smile but his face felt paralyzed so all he could do was stare. Jimmy smirked. Well, looked like he'd found one of his biggest fans or something.

 **"These are Arin's. He's pretty good. I'm his dad, Ric. You look familiar. Do I know you?"** Ric offered his hand for a shake after introducing himself and Jimmy shook it, his smirk growing.

 **"Well... sort of, I guess. I'm The Rev from that band Arin listens to but you can just call me Jimmy."**

Ric seemed confused at first before he laughed, shaking his head. **"He said you guys lived around town. Hell, he wouldn't shut up about it."**

Arin turned bright red again and glared at his dad as Jimmy laughed, turning toward Arin once more and saying, **"So. Why don't you play for me sometime? I'd love to hear ya, maybe give you some tips or something. I mean, if you want to..."** He shrugged as he spoke, not wanting to make it sound like he thought of himself as the best drummer in the world or anything. He didn't like saying that about himself even though the guys teased him about it all the time. They always said he deserved all the drummer awards in the world but of course they said that. They were his friends. His best friends. They were supposed to say stuff like that about him.

 **"I... really? You'd do that?"** Once more, Arin was stunned. He had never expected to meet Jimmy, let alone be offered fucking _drum lessons_ from him and yet here he was, standing here just a few feet away from one of the men he had looked up too since damn 1999 when the band had first started. **"I never really had much training so I don't think I'm that great but if you really wanna hear me play then I mean sure I don't mind, as long as you don't mind..."** He stopped talking when he realized that he was rambling and everyone was looking at him. His dad and the mover rolled their eyes and walked back to the truck but Jimmy stood there, looking once at the box before looking back at Arin.

 **"Come on, I'll help ya set it up. Looks like they can handle the rest of the boxes."** Jimmy didn't wait for an answer. Instead, he grabbed a screwdriver that was laying on the ground nearby and began to tear away at the tape, being extra careful not to ruin any part of the instrument. Arin eventually wandered over and helped open the box. Together, they began to pull out the different parts and quickly got to work in setting the drum set up. It didn't take them very long. The hardest part was deciding where in the garage Arin wanted to put it. Once that was figured out, they got to work and it took less than an hour to get it set up. Somewhere along the line, Jimmy's shirt had come off. He pretended not to notice when Arin kept glancing at him.

After their work was done, Jimmy stood up and stretched before absently rubbing his chest. His heart was starting to hurt a little again and he didn't have any of his pain medication with him. He would have to come back later... but he really didn't want to leave. Arin had gotten over the shock of meeting him, it seemed, and the younger man was a lot of fun to hang out with. He was sweet, funny, and downright adorable. Both him and Jimmy had been laughing and smiling the whole time, throwing jokes around. It was almost like hanging out with the guys... It was just so easy to be around Arin. He bet the guys would like him, too.

And that would come in handy when they needed to find a new drummer in a few months time. As much as he hated to think about it he knew he had to start planning ahead for when he died. He wanted the guys to keep making music. He would hate for them to stop doing what they loved because of him. But finding a new drummer would be difficult. He didn't want to brag but Jimmy knew that he did some crazy shit on the drums which would be difficult to play live for someone that didn't know what they were doing. And this guy, Arin, he seemed nice so if he could play... Well, how awesome would it be for him to play with his favorite band?

 **"I'm gonna have to come back some other time to hear you play. I gotta head back home. Can I come by, like, tomorrow or something? Around the same time?"** He tried not to sound too hopeful. He didn't want to give anything away. But Arin just smiled and nodded eagerly, saying that it would be fine if Jimmy came around, and the rockstar grinned before saying goodbye to Arin. Ric and the mover were somewhere inside putting boxes in various rooms of the house so Jimmy didn't bother to wait for them. Instead, he waved at Arin and began his walk back home. Only when he was out of sight of Arin's house did he allow his hand to come back up to his chest, rubbing at the area around his heart. It was really starting to hurt again but he forced himself to drop his hand. He didn't want the neighbors noticing anything, nor did he want Leana to notice anything, but that didn't seem to be a problem because when he walked into the house, he found it quiet. Too quiet.

He peeked into the bedroom and found that his girlfriend was gone. He frowned, walking back into the kitchen and glancing at a piece of paper that was laid out on the kitchen table. He grabbed it, reading quickly. _"Jimmy - went out with Val. Won't be back till late tonight. Don't wait up for me."_ So... sounded like she was still mad at him but what he didn't understand was _why._ He hadn't done anything. He didn't cheat on her. He didn't yell at her. He bought he presents and made her laugh. And they had fucking awesome sex. So why was she so moody these days? He sighed and crumpled up the paper, tossing it in the trash. Oh well. He would just make breakfast for himself, then, and order pizza for dinner. Or maybe he would invite the guys over and they could all hang out and discuss the new album. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. 

But it wasn't the album he was thinking of when he picked up the phone, not really. Instead, he was thinking about Arin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: https://8tracks.com/fleabittengray/will-you-stay-away-forever  
> Twitter: fallenangel6661  
> Tumblr: slendyisbae  
> 

Arin had been nervous all day. Jimmy, the goddamn _Rev,_ was supposed to be coming over to give him, the former drummer of Confide, drum lessons. The only thing was... Jimmy hadn't shown up and Arin didn't have a way of contacting him. They hadn't exchanged phone numbers or anything and Arin couldn't even imagine just casually calling up one of his idols and asking when he was showing up. For all the young drummer knew, Jimmy had just been being nice and wasn't actually going to show up, but the brown haired male liked to think that he was going to. After all, who wouldn't like to hang out with a member of their favorite band for a day? For a _second_ day, actually. Biting his lip, the twenty-two year old sank down onto the soft cushions of the basement couch and sighed. He glanced at the time on his cell phone and frowned. It was almost two o'clock. His parents would be home around five and they didn't always like him banging on the drums when they were home. They supported him, of course they did, they were his parents and they loved him, but that didn't mean they wanted to hear the drums all the time. They were going to soundproof the garage eventually but at the moment they didn't have the money to do it.

To be honest, Arin wanted to move out on his own. He almost had, back when he had been in Confide, but then the band had broken up abruptly and there went all his money and he'd had to stay with his parents. And now he would have to get a job because his mother had told him that since he was an adult he would have to pay rent which he totally understood and he hadn't argued it. He was supposed to be looking for a job today but he'd just been so excited that his mind had drifted every time he tried to look up jobs online and he didn't want to leave the house in case Jimmy _did_ show up... 

**"Sorry to keep you waiting."**

The voice startled him and he jumped slightly, his eyes wide as he looked toward the open garage door. There stood The Rev, a sheepish smile upon his lips as he waved at Arin. The younger man blinked, shocked but glad that the metal drummer had actually showed up.

 **"Oh, it's totally fine. I was job searching all morning, anyway. No big deal."** He hadn't wanted to lie but what was he supposed to say? That he had been sitting on the couch since freaking ten in the morning? That wouldn't give a very good image of himself, now, would it? Standing up, he wiped his hands on his jeans and smiled, saying, **"So. You thirsty or anything? We have soda and water no, uh. Alcohol or anything."**

Jimmy laughed and stepped forward, walking to the refrigerator near the back of the garage, leaning down and pulling out a can of Coke. He continued to laugh as he closed the fridge door and opened the can, taking a long drink from it before saying, **"Are you even old enough to drink, kid? You look young."** To be honest, the question was just a way of asking how old Arin was without randomly asking it. He was curious. And he didn't want Arin's parents to freak out about him hanging out with him if he was like seventeen or something, seeing as Jimmy was twenty-eight.

Arin's face turned bright red and he huffed softly, crossing his arms over his chest. People always thought he looked young. It was probably the hair. **"I'm twenty-two so yeah I'm old enough. But my parents don't normally keep alcohol in the house, anyway. They don't drink, except for wine on special occasions."**

Living in a religious family wasn't easy. His parents were Christians and while Arin was also a Christians, he wasn't as strict as his parents. He enjoyed having a drink. He liked rock and metal. He cursed. And... there were other things, but he didn't like to think about them. He knew Jimmy also came from a religious background, his family being Catholic, but he assumed that the tall man didn't follow any religion. He couldn't think of any "normal" Catholic that would come up with a song like A Little Piece Of Heaven.

Jimmy was laughing again but this time Arin found himself smiling. Jimmy's laughter was intoxicating. Anyone who had ever heard him laugh knew that. 

**"I was right. You _are_ young. When did you start playing?"** The Avenged Sevenfold drummer asked curiously as he set the soda down on the floor next to the couch and walked over to the drum set. He sat down on the seat behind the set without asking and picked up the two drum sticks laying on top of one of the drums. He smiled as he always did when he was behind a kit and lazily began tapping the tips of the sticks against one of the drums.

Arin shrugged, his eyes wide as he watched Jimmy play, walking over slowly. **"I started when I was around nine. No formal training except the drumline in high school. Basically taught myself and by watching y-"** he blushed, quickly changing what he was about to say to, **"By watching videos of other drummers. Convinced my parents to buy me a kit and they've regretted it ever since."** That wasn't totally true. His parents didn't regret buying him his drums at all. They were proud of him and had been to as many Confide shows that they could make. They had been excited that all of the members had been Christians. A little upset that they weren't exactly a Christian band, what with being on a secular label, but they had still supported him and the band.

Jimmy didn't answer, just chuckled and continued to play as Arin watched him quietly. It started off simple and Jimmy spoke occasionally, explaining what he was doing, and Arin listened, nodding and asking questions, sometimes asking for the more experienced drummer to repeat something. And then Jimmy started smirking and went all out and Arin just laughed and watched. Jimmy was fast. Talented. Arin had looked up to him since finding out about the band. He recognized parts of whatever the drummer was playing, like parts of Scream that somehow morphed into something he hadn't heard before. Only after Jimmy was finished, a thin layer of sweat on his skin, making his shirt stick to his back, did he find out.

 **"That last bit was actually a new song I've been working on. Don't have a name for it, yet, and I can't tell ya any of the lyrics, but when the new album comes out you'll recognize it I'm sure,"** he teased, setting the drum sticks down and stretching. _Too bad I won't be around to hear what you think of the final thing..._ His smile never wavered as he thought that, standing up and patting Arin on the back. **"Alright, kid, let me see ya play."**

How else was he to make sure that he would be a good fit for the band after he was gone?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - abortion.
> 
> Playlist: https://8tracks.com/fleabittengray/will-you-stay-away-forever  
> Twitter: fallenangel6661  
> Tumblr: slendyisbae  
> 

**"You did _what?"_**

Jimmy's voice was loud and angry, his blue eyes wide and darkened in despair. He was glaring at Leana like she had just told him she had killed a man which technically wasn't that far from the truth. Except it hadn't been a man that his fiance had murdered... but a baby. And he hadn't known anything about it until now.

The brown-eyed woman covered her face with her hands, shaking her head as she let out a soft sob. **"An abortion, James. I got an abortion. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I -"**

She was cut off by the sound of Jimmy throwing a half empty bottle of beer into the sink, tears slowly leaking from the corners of his eyes. A father. He was supposed to become a father. And now... now he would never had a chance to see his son or daughter. It was too late. Even if Leana got pregnant again, chances were, he wasn't going to be around to see the child. He was going to be dead in a few months. He was never going to be a parent and though it had never been something the two of them had talked about, now that he almost had the chance to become a father... Jimmy wanted to be one. He wanted a chance to raise a kid, to send them off to their first day of school, to be at their wedding... But then he remembered he wouldn't have been able to do any of that, anyway, but it would have been fucking nice to know about the child and talk about it before Leana went and _killed_ it!

 **"Why would you do that, Le? Without even _talking_ to me about it?"** he questioned harshly and for a moment he felt bad as he watched the shorter woman flinch but he had to know. He had to understand. He'd never even thought much about abortion before now but this just... He should have been included in the conversation, at least. He should have at least been able to be there for Leana when she got the procedure. **"When did you even do it? And who was there? Answer me, damn it!"**

The young woman had tried to turn away but Jimmy had reached out and grabbed a hold of her upper arm, surprisingly gentle even in his rage, and pulled her back toward him. She hiccuped from her crying and shook her head but the drummer cupped her chin and forced her to look up at him with her big, brown eyes that were wet with tears.

**"A couple weeks ago. I went with Val... I told you I was going out I just..."**

**"You didn't tell me what you were doing,"** Jimmy finished for her and his hand dropped away from her arm and reached for his chest, rubbing it as pain pierced his heart though this time he didn't know if it was from his disease or just from grief. Perhaps from both. 

**"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have. We should have talked about it, I know, but... but I was _scared,_ Jimmy. You and the boys will be working on the new record soon and I would have been alone and pregnant. And what about when you went on tour? We couldn't have just brought a baby on tour! I just..."** The former porn star stopped talking as she was consumed once more by tears and this time it was Jimmy's turn to cover his face with his hands. He said nothing and Leana reached out to touch one of his hands but he pushed her hand away, shaking his head. She opened her mouth to say something else but Jimmy shook his head again, silencing her.

 **"Leave,"** he stated bluntly before he even knew what he was saying and he took a step away from her, if only not to look at the look of shock on her face. **"I just... I need to be alone. Leave. For a night or two. Go to Val's or something, Just... leave."**

Neither of them said anything after that. The only sounds that filled the house was Leana's quiet crying as she got her stuff together to leave. Jimmy remained standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at the floor. It needed to be cleaned, he noticed, as Leana walked up to him again. She didn't say anything, just stretched up to place a soft, wet kiss on his cheek as she murmured a soft apology. Unable to think of anything to say, the drummer just closed his eyes and nodded. He kept his eyes closed as he listened to her leave the house and then to the sound of her car pulling out of the driveway. And then... silence.

He wasn't sure when it happened but somehow he ended up sitting on the couch surrounded by empty beer bottles with the TV on mute playing some drama that he wasn't paying attention to. He was too busy thinking. Too busy crying. Too busy drinking. He was drunk, drunker than he had been a long time. His doctor had warned him to take it easy on the alcohol but he had needed something to distract him and alcohol had always done that. But this crying thing... he wasn't liking it. He needed someone to talk to. But it wasn't talking he had on his mind and he hated that.

Somehow, he found himself texting Arin. The two had been hanging out a lot over the past few weeks. He'd been giving the kid drum lessons, had even snuck over alcohol a couple of times when his parents had been out of the house. For a Christian, Arin could hold his alcohol pretty damn well. For a moment, Jimmy smiled as he struggled to text the younger man.

_coming ovr had a fight need to tlk please_

Normally, he didn't talk about his personal life. Normally the two of them just talked about music and Avenged Sevenfold, so he wasn't surprised when Arin text back sounding confused.

_a fight? like, with leana? it's late, you sure you wanna come over?_

_yeah im sure be over soon_

_alright, parents are asleep so be quiet._

He was smiling again but he was also crying again as he struggled to his feet, his heart fluttering and he wasn't even sure why anymore. He stumbled across the room and to the door. He stared at his car for a moment before starting to walk. He wasn't stupid. He knew driving right now would be suicide and he was already at risk of dying soon, why speed up the process? Instead, he walked - well, stumbled was more like it - the couple of streets over to Arin's house.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: https://8tracks.com/fleabittengray/will-you-stay-away-forever  
> Twitter: fallenangel6661  
> Tumblr: slendyisbae

Arin was standing on his front porch waiting for Jimmy. He didn't want the older man to end up knocking on the door or ringing the door and waking his parents up. They wouldn't take too kindly to an older man coming to visit the house this late at night. Especially his father. The young man frowned at the thought, sighing as he leaned back against the side of his house with his arms crossed over his chest. He squinted at a figure heading down the street and shook his head when he realized that it was Jimmy. _Man, he's really fucked up._ He took a step away from the wall and walked down the few steps to his front yard to meet the drummer at the edge of his driveway, trying to ignore the fact that the taller man was crying. He could smell alcohol on Jimmy's breath and wrinkled his nose. How much had he been drinking? By the way he was swaying and stumbling, Arin had a good guess, but he said nothing. Instead, he helped Jimmy up the front steps and through the door, shushing him quietly as he lead him upstairs to his room. The new house had two floors and his parents shared the bottom floor while he had the second floor as well as half of the garage. 

They made it to Arin's room and the younger man helped the blue-eyed drummer down onto his bed. At least Jimmy had stopped crying now. He was just staring at Arin with his funny look on his face and Arin found himself blushing and smiling shyly as he sat beside Jimmy. He placed his hand on Jimmy's shoulder and was surprised when the older man pulled him closer. It was awkward but not really uncomfortable.

A few more moment passed before Arin let out a breath and asked, **"So... you said you wanted to talk?"** His tone was soft and comforting. He knew that something bad had happened but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what. He figured it had something to do with Leana. Jimmy's answer confirmed it, though he didn't say her name.

**"Bitch got a fucking _abortion_ and she didn't even tell me she was pregnant! I had no say in it! I mean, I know it's her body and her choice but, shit, it was _my child too!"_**

Arin flinched, putting a finger to his lips as a warning for Jimmy to stay quiet, before dropping his hand onto the bed. He felt his pinky gently brush against Jimmy's hand. It was shaking subtly and he frowned. **"That's... I'm sorry. That was wrong."** Arin's family had always been against abortion because of their religion. Personally, he wasn't sure what to think about it, to be honest. He had never gotten a girl pregnant. Then again, he'd also never had sex with a girl before. **"She really should have told you, Jimmy."** He didn't know what else to say. He'd never been in this position before. He'd given relationship advice to his friends before but none of them had ever had a problem like this. 

He felt Jimmy's hand move, those long fingers brushing against his but the drummer was staring at the wall with a frown. Arin peeked down at their hands, his heart fluttering nervously. He was sure Jimmy hadn't meant to move his hand like that. He was probably too drunk to realize that they were even touching.

**"I made her leave but I didn't want to be alone. I told her to leave for a few days. And... I don't really know if I want her back."**

There was something strange in Jimmy's voice but Arin didn't get a chance to question him because he felt Jimmy's fingers tighten gently around his hand. For a moment, he wanted to pull his hand away but he kept it still, looking up from their hands and blinking in surprise when he saw that Jimmy was no longer looking at the wall, but at him. His blue eyes were glassy and his cheeks still wet with tears but he had a soft smile on his lips. 

**"But I don't wanna be alone, ya know? I really don't like being alone."**

Arin nodded, replying in a shaky whisper, **"You're not alone."**

And then life seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time. Jimmy forcefully pulled the smaller boy into his lap and, quite familiar with the position, Arin straddled his hips and pressed close to the intoxicated man. There was a brief pause and then their lips, hesitant at first but then rough and needy, pressed together. Jimmy's were wet with tears and it made Arin felt guilty but then he felt Jimmy's hands on his hips and he shivered, letting his brown eyes close as his smaller hands slid up Jimmy's arms before tangling into his soft, black hair.

Arin knew that this was wrong. Not the whole kissing a guy thing, he'd gotten over that a couple of years ago, but kissing a guy that was drunk who probably didn't know what he was doing and who was _in a committed relationship,_ that was pretty damn wrong. But this was better than any fucking fanfiction he had ever read because it was _real_. Jimmy's lips were really on his. They were really kissing and, _fuck,_ one of Jimmy's hands had slipped under his shirt and his palm was sliding up to his chest and, forgetting for a moment that his parents were right downstairs, Arin groaned and pressed into the touch.

Jimmy's lips parted at the sound, spreading into a smirk, before his tongue traced along Arin's bottom lip. The younger man willingly parted his own lips, his tongue meeting Jimmy's, and then Jimmy was tugging at his shirt and trying to pull it off and that snapped Arin back to reality. Reluctantly, with guilt sitting heavily in his stomach, Arin removed one of his hands from Jimmy's hair and gently touched Jimmy's wrist with a hesitant shake of his head. He really, _really_ did not want this to stop but he had to. Jimmy was drunk. Jimmy was with Leana. But, shit, it felt so right to be this close and his body sure as hell wasn't complaining about the unexpected closeness. Had he been wearing jeans instead of loose fitting pajama pants, he would have been a bit uncomfortable at the moment. 

**"You need to sleep. You're drunk."** His voice was stern but he didn't resist as Jimmy kissed him again, just a short kiss, and both men sighed. **"Jimmy. Sleep."**

He pouted. _He fucking pouted._ Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan was sitting on Arin's bed pouting but Arin had to resist. He couldn't give in to what his body wanted. He had to do what was right, even if it felt wrong. A bit roughly, he shoved against Jimmy's chest, forcing him to lay down. The tall, lanky man didn't resist, simply flopping down with a quiet grunt, closing his eyes as Arin got up and started to tuck a blanket around him. The guilt was growing in Arin's stomach and he found himself with watering eyes as he turned to walk toward his door. He would go sleep in the living room downstairs. Say he fell asleep watching TV. But before he could get to the door, he heard Jimmy's voice, slurred from alcohol but soft and sweet. Hopeful.

**"Come here, Arin. I told you I don't want to be alone."**

How the hell could he say no to that? Smiling sadly and quickly wiping his eyes, hoping that Jimmy didn't notice, he chuckled quietly and turned around, walking back over to his bed and crawling under the blankets to curl up against Jimmy's warm body. He hesitated for a moment before resting his head on Jimmy's chest and closing his eyes, listening to the steady heartbeat of the older drummer. The guilt, however, was still there as the two drifted off to sleep but he slept more comfortably than he had slept in a long, long time. He wished he could have stayed in that moment forever, even with the guilt, but life had to go on.

When he woke up, Jimmy was gone and he was cold and his lips and skin still tingled from where Jimmy had kissed and touched him.


End file.
